Page 36 - LOTN Advent issue 57

MISCELLANY
ALLSORTS OF

EVERYTHING

Pope Francis @Pontifex [6 October]
O Queen of Peace! Convert the souls
of those who fuel hatred, silence the
noise of weapons that give rise to
death, extinguish the violence that
A Sunday School teacher was teaching the Golden Rule. She broods in the heart of human beings
explained, “It means we are here to help others.” One little girl and inspire projects of peace in the
raised her hand and asked, “What are the others here for?” deeds of those who govern nations.
Righteous Ice Cream
A pastor was giving a children's lesson on vestments. He asked, Three children were usually able to persuade their father
"Why do you think I wear this collar?" One little boy answered, to buy them ice cream right after church. One Sunday he
"Because it kills ticks and fleas up to 30 days."
protested, “Where does it say that you should always get
something to eat and drink after church? One of his quick-
A Sunday school teacher invited her thinking daughters replied, “In the Bible it says, ‘Blessed
class to draw a picture of something are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness.’”
about the baby Jesus. One little
boy drew a picture of a jet airplane A little boy and his family were having
with four people inside. When Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s
asked who the people were, he said, house. When he sat down at the table
“That’s Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus on the flight to Egypt.” he started eating right away. His
“Okay,” she replied, “but who’s the fourth person?” “Oh,” he mother quickly asked him to wait until
responded, “that’s Pontius the pilot.” they said the prayer. The little boy
replied, “We don’t need to pray at
During Sunday school a teacher asked if anyone could think of Grandma’s house. She knows how to cook.”
ways in which people waste time. One little boy raised his hand
and said, “How about taking a bath?”
Church Bulletin Boards
In an attempt to teach the lesson of the Good Samaritan, a “Even moderation ought not to be practised to excess.”
Sunday school catechist asked the class, “If you saw a person “You can’t take it with you, but you can send it on ahead.”
lying on the roadside, wounded and bleeding, what would you
do?” One thoughtful little girl said, “I think I would throw up.”
A Sad Reflection
A woman in a confessional said, “Bless me
“Does anyone know what we mean by sins of Father, for I have sinned. I have committed the
omission?”questioned the children's catechist. A little girl sin of vanity. Twice a day I look in the mirror
raised her hand and said, “Aren’t those the sins we should have and tell myself how beautiful I am.” The priest
committed, but didn’t?”
took a look at her and said, “My dear, that isn’t
a sin. It’s simply a mistake.”
Dear Edward Lear,
Your limericks they could have been better An Irish Blessing!
But your name it will live on forever May those who love us, love us
I just can’t get past And those who don’t love us,
How with first line and last May God turn their hearts
You rhyme one and the same word together And if he can’t turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles
Loud and Clear So we will know them by their limping!
One Sunday a preacher announced to his congregation
that the church had a new public address system. He Itching to Know the Answer
said the microphone and wiring were paid for using A father often read Bible stories to his young children, One day he read, "The
church funds, but the loudspeaker was donated by a man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his
member of the congregation in memory of his wife. wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to
the flea?"

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