Page 40 - LOTN Issue 45

HUMOUR

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for
Humour from patients being discharged. However, while working

as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman-
the Vestry -already dressed and sitting on the bed with a
suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my
help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules
being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the
elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife
He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at. was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still
(Epictetus) upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital
gown."
Leave It Out!
A Sunday School teacher asked her class, Double Negative
"Does anyone here know what we mean by A linguistics professor was lecturing
sins of omission?" his class one day. 'In English', he said,
A small girl replied: "Aren't those the sins we 'A double negative forms a positive.
should have committed, but didn't?" In some languages, though, such as
Russian, a double negative is still a
Baby Talk negative. However, there is no language
A young couple brought their newborn son to wherein a double positive can form a negative.' A loud voice
the pediatrician for his first checkup. from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'
As he finished, the doctor told them, “You have
a cute baby.”
Smiling, the young mother said, “I bet you say Strange But True!
that to all new parents.” While sitting at your desk make clockwise
“No,” the pediatrician replied, “just to those circles with your right foot.
parents whose babies really are good looking.” While doing this, draw the number “6” in
“So what do you say to the others?”, the mother the air with your right hand.
asked. What direction is your foot going now?
The pediatrician replied, “He looks just like you.”
Lost in Translation

Peek-a-boo Duck
A couple decide to go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant.
They study the menu and order the “Chicken Surprise”.
About 20 minutes later, the waiter brings their meal,
which has been served in a cast iron pot with a lid.
Just as the wife reaches for the pot to serve herself, the
lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady
little eyes looking around, before the
lid slams back down.
“Good grief, did you see that?” she In Wales, there is a legal requirement for road signs to be
says to her husband. in both English and Welsh. So, in this case, the official
He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in of the Roads Department emailed the English wording
the pot. to the translator and, after receiving a reply, proceeded
He reaches for it and again the lid rises and he sees two to have the sign made and installed. Unfortunately, a
little eyes looking around before once again the lid slams few weeks later, Welsh-speaking drivers began to call up
down. to point out that the Welsh reads..... "I am currently out
By now they are rather perturbed and call the waiter of the office. Please submit any work to the translation
over. They explain what has been happening and ask for team."
an explanation.
“Please sir”, the waiter says very humbly, “what you John confided to a friend. “Mike, I’m in a terrible pickle!
order?” I’m strapped for cash and I haven’t the slightest idea where
The husband replies, “It was the Chicken Surprise”. I’m going to get it from!” “I’m glad to hear that,” answered
“Ah! So sorry”, the waiter says, “I bring you Peeking Duck Mike. “I was afraid you might have an idea you could borrow
by mistake”. it from me!”

Did you hear about the cheese factory that
exploded in France? Why don’t ants ever get sick?
There was nothing left but de Brie. Because they have little anty bodies.
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